15
JUN
2020

PREFACE TO THE SECOND EDITION OF THE  ACHTEN TAN CODEX

In the 50 years since Brother Atimius first released his so-called “definitive edition” of the Achten Tan Codex, much has changed in the scholarship surrounding the text. Most importantly, it is now generally agreed that the late head archivist was “tripping balls” (as they say) while assembling this collection. Colleagues attest he was high as a freaking kite 24-7 during this stage of his life, and thus it is highly likely that everything in this book is, to use the vernacular, “utter bullshit.”

Everyone is, of course, familiar with Brother Antimius’s rapid and historic fall from grace, and given all that came to light via the tabloids and the highly publicized “Trial of the Century,” it is most likely he invented the entire “manuscript” out of thin air as an excuse to get into the Baroness Covidia’s shapely pantaloons. Certainly that was the Baron’s belief when he challenged Atimius to the duel that subsequently led to both their untimely, if unintentionally hilarious, deaths.

Despite the fact his fame was such that “Brother Antimius” was a house-hold name, all that he left by way of legacy was a popular volume of dirty limericks (who has not blushed at the one that begins, “There once was a young man named Blashole?”) and, of course, this book. The Achten Tan Codex.

Although thoroughly debunked at this point, we at the Blelchor University Press have reluctantly decided to issue this new edition of Antimius’s ridiculous work because, to be frank, we’re flat-ass broke and this book has sold like hotcakes. In fact, year after year Achten Tan has consistently been one of the University Press’s bestsellers, second only to Lady Erstwhile’s Naughty Engravings of Shepherds and Shepherdesses in Various States of Undress, which is commonly prescribed by doctors to patients afflicted with hysteria and malaise.

So read this book, or don’t read it. Use the pages to line your child’s pet hamster’s cage. You’ve already bought the book, so it’s all the same to us. Just please, for the love of God, stop writing your dissertations about this nonsense. It’s embarrassing.

 

Doldor Blanch,

Exchequer to Blelchor University

Editor in Chief of Blelchor University Press

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